#2 - REVEL in His Presence

i grew up in a family where the common practice was to make dad feel like a failure. now, granted, in many ways he was. in taking care of children over the long-term, he certainly was. and still is. however, regardless of that, i unfortunately learned a highly critical attitude. compound that with fear - when he left.

so imagine how comforting christian carter's e-mail is, titled What Drives Men Away and What ATTRACTS Them. i think i've said before after learning that men respond to women, CC's theories suddenly make sense. here's why: he says in this e-mail, women are the emotional leaders in a relationship. and men depend on us for that.

ok. so where are we leading?

i'm gonna clip a couple paragraphs from that e-mail, they are awesome. here they are:

"1) As you might already know, men aren't often
the best in the world at giving emotional support
and at nurturing. He might not recognize what's
really going on with you, or he might not know
how to give you what you want, or it might even
be that he is afraid of how you are acting and
he doesn't feel comfortable getting any closer
to you.

2) Men expect that if a woman likes them, then
the woman should feel good when she's around him.
I know it might sound simple, or even stupid, but
if a woman is constantly stressed or worried or
unhappy when she's around a man, not only does
he feel like he can't make her happy, but he'll
want to spend LESS and LESS time around her.

Here are two ways to communicate with a man
that will make him not only FEEL GOOD, but make
him want to communicate with you and be around
you more:

1) Figure out how to make it so that men can see
and recognize what it is that you are looking for
with them, without frustrating or confusing them
even more.

2) Find out why it is that YOU are so chronically
unsatisfied. Men want to be around women who make
them FEEL GOOD. Telling him that he is constantly
doing things WRONG just creates more ANXIETY."

ok. so what's the point? not being afraid, and being happy when he's around!

now if you haven't grown up with this attitude, it will be completely foreign to you. my long-term boyfriend once told me i was never satisfied. i've never forgotten that. lately i've tried to be not only satisifed, but tell guys "YOU ARE GREAT at making me happy!" and try to make sure that is true.

if it's not true, what am i doing around them??? duh!

this sentence particularly stands out - "Men expect that if a woman likes them, then
the woman should feel good when she's around him." this is so logical and makes so much sense that it's almost painful to acknowledge when we don't do this. instead, if we like a guy, we don't revel in his company, we're busy wondering - when he walks out the door, how long is it gonna be until we see him again? or who is seeing him in the meantime?

this is my #2 thing that i need to fix. my #1 thing i'll make the topic of my next blog. but

#2 is - REVEL in his presence.

i mean just suck it up. how he feels, how he smells. how he sounds. what he says. how he touches me. enjoy enjoy enjoy. and then let him go. & enjoy the memory.

and that's it.

if he doesn't show up to more of that revelry, gees, let him go, & find someone who likes being enjoyed.